


Phone Bills and War

by P0pp3t



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: i had this idea for text stuff, no beta I have no friends, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28541148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P0pp3t/pseuds/P0pp3t
Summary: Due to a new "company policy", RED and BLU are cooped up in their bases. They now have to list out "status reports" on a daily basis. It's a simple task, but can the mercenaries handle it?"They'll probably do fine.Hopefully.-P"---It's just a text fic with no plot whatsoever :v
Kudos: 17





	1. LOG 001

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Testing, testing, 1 2!

07:41 am

**Medic online.**

**RED Engineer online.**

We've just received this month's delivery of rations. Considering the group's appetite, I'm a bit worried.  
\- Medic

Shouldn't you put your color beside your class as well? RED Engineer here, by the way. Checking up on the equipment. Received our portion as well.  
\- RED Engineer  
  
**Medic changed to BLU Medic.**

Ah yes, forgive me. I haven't used technology like this since I've been in a hospital!  
\- BLU Medic

Save your pleasantries for another time, how's the situation there?  
\- RED Spy

Good, our Scout keeps bugging me about using this device. A saw made him shut up though!  
\- BLU Medic

WAT R U COMEES DOIGNN INSODE  
\- RED Engineer

?  
\- BLU Medic

Sorry fellas, Soldier got too nosy and started pressing buttons.  
\- RED Engineer

Alright!

-BLU Medic

Would you all entertain me for a moment?

-RED Spy

Go ahead.

-RED Engineer

We should definitely change something here, but I don't know what to suggest. This format seems impractical in some way or another.  
\- RED Spy

I'll ask the others for suggestions!  
\- BLU Medic

**BLU Medic disconnected.**

Spy, quick question. How did you get in without setting off the log in thing?  
\- RED Engineer

**RED Spy disconnected.**

Dagnabbit.  
\- RED Engineer

**RED Engineer disconnected.**

  
10:05 am

**SOLDIER online.**

**RED Engineer online.**

Since you're a vital component to our team, you'll have to learn how to use your device.  
\- RED Spy

SHOOT KROTON  
\- SOLDIER

Soldier what did I tell you about your name?  
\- RED Engineer

TIPING BIG IS THE AMERICAN WAY MAGGOT THE ONLI SOLDIER HERE IS ME  
\- SOLDIER

Soldier.  
\- RED Engineer

**SOLDIER changed to RED SOLIDER.**

**RED SOLIDER changed to RED SOLDIER.**

HAPI  
\- RED SOLDIER

Good enough. I forgot that he's stupid and illiterate.  
\- RED Spy

I wouldn't call him illiterate. He can't spell right, sure, but he can read just fine. It's just spelling mistakes.  
\- RED Engineer

Spy?  
\- RED Engineer

Spy are you there?  
\- RED Engineer

help  
\- RED Spy  


**RED SOLDIER forcibly disconnected due to inactivity.**

**RED Engineer forcibly disconnected due to inactivity.**

**RED Spy forcibly disconnected due to inactivity.**

  
6:03 pm

**BLU Spy online.**

**BLU Medic online.**

**BLU Soldier online.**

Is it working for you, Soldat?  
\- BLU Spy

Hooah  
\- BLU Soldier

Great! What does that mean?  
\- BLU Medic

It means it's working. This is just a test anyway, our stay isn't welcome for long. Let us move.  
\- BLU Spy

Roger  
\- BLU Soldier

**BLU Spy disconnected.**

**BLU Medic disconnected.**

**BLU Soldier disconnected.**


	2. LOG 002

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well bac 2 fon bill adn war  
> this episdoe:
> 
> blu scunt is millenal  
> red sodlier is naked  
> red snip almot comit muder but for real

9:22 am

**BLU Scout online.**

**RED Engineer online.**

doc told me to check in  
this looks like a mess ngl  
\- BLU Scout

What do you suggest then? Also what does "ngl" mean?  
\- RED Engineer

def that - thing  
kinda annoying  
ngl = not gonna lie  
\- BLU Scout

Huh. I'll talk to Spy about it, then. And the other one. And the other engineer.  
\- RED Engineer

cool  
\- BLU Scout

**BLU Scout disconnected.**

**BLU Medic online.**

What did he say?  
\- BLU Medic

Just something cosmetic, the - thing. Learned something new from the kid.  
\- RED Engineer

Oh? What?  
\- BLU Medic

I think it's some kind of text lingo. "Ngl".  
\- RED Engineer  
  
Ngl?  
\- BLU Medic

Yeah. He said it meant "not gonna lie".  
\- RED Engineer

That's stupid. Why not just spell it out completely?  
\- BLU Medic

I don't know.  
\- RED Engineer

Kids.  
\- BLU Medic

**BLU Medic disconnected.**

**RED Engineer disconnected.**

  
1:04 pm

**RED Scout is online**

**RED SOLDIER online.**

I AM HUNGY  
\- RED SOLDIER

soldier where the hell are ya??  
\- RED Scout

NOWERE  
\- RED SOLDIER  
  
Definitely somewhere close if he's still managing to message us.  
\- RED Spy

wait wha. how are ya not settin off the thing??  
\- RED Scout

I have my ways. Soldier, what do you see?  
\- RED Spy

BUILDING AND SAND  
\- RED SOLDIER

And?  
\- RED Spy

MORE BUILDING AND MORE SAN  
\- RED SOLDIER

This is getting us nowhere.  
\- RED Spy

yeah right. ugh why did he have to go off base anyway??  
\- RED Scout

THAT IS NON OF UR BUSSINES  
\- RED SOLDIER

**RED Sniper online.**

What is Soldier doing outside, naked and holding something  
\- RED Sniper

solly what the fuck!  
\- RED Scout

Language. Sniper, can you kindly assist him home?  
\- RED Spy

I'm not touching that mamb  
\- RED Sniper

snipes?  
\- RED Scout

He  
\- RED Sniper

He threw his device at me  
\- RED Sniper

Tell Medic I'm using the tranquillizer  
\- RED Sniper

That's good to hear that you're dealing with him. I'll tell the docteur soon.  
\- RED Spy

jasjndj i'm coming!!  
\- RED Scout

**RED Sniper disconnected.**

**RED Spy disconnected.**

**RED Scout disconnected.**

**RED SOLDIER disconnected due to inactivity.**


	3. LOG 003

9:46 am

**BLU Scout online.**

**RED Scout online.**

**RED Engineer online.**

**BLU Medic online.**

**BLU Engineer online.**

RE: There we go! Ain't this much better?

BE: Yep. Maybe we should work on the online messages too. Can get cluttered.

RE: You're right..

BM: That snake was right! The past look really was strange!

RS: I'm here, you know.

BM: :)

BS: good job i guess

real cool yeah

the names will get confusing tho

specially if the s-squad are all online

RS: s-squad??

BS: yeah like

sol sniper frenchie and me

well including u if we talkin about ur group

all s first lettered mercs ya know

RS: It will be indeed confusing, but perhaps it will be alright? Our typing styles are distinct after all.

BS: fair point

speaking of points

when r we gon fight again

BE: Ms. Pauling said we have to take more weeks off.

BS: aw man

BM: Do you miss fighting that badly or are you just bored?

RS: definitely bored lmao.

RE: What in Sam Hill is lmao?

RS: uh, laughing my ass off?

BM: That's a really stupid way of communicating, shortening your words is stupid.

RS: your emoticons are stupid!

BM: >:(

BE: Alright calm down, how about we talk about something else?

BS: idk man

but im headin out

gotta talk to sniper

BE: See ya.

**BLU Scout disconnected.**

BE: Sooo...

RS: Are you bored as well? We really don't have a reason to stay.

BE: We got nothing to do, so yep.

RS: I'm certainly not partaking in it.

**RED Spy disconnected.**

BE: c|:[

BM: :(

RS: >:l

RE: :l

**RED Engineer disconnected.  
**

**BLU Medic disconnected.**

**RED Scout disconnected.**

**BLU Engineer disconnected.**


End file.
